Late-Night Personalities Lampoon Trump's New 'Gold Card' Immigration Plan

Late-night's top hosts spent the broadcast ridiculing President Donald Trump's just unveiled immigration initiative, labeled the "Trump card," portraying it as a obvious pay-for-access system for the rich.

Colbert's Pointed Take

Opening his broadcast, Stephen Colbert delivered a satirical Christmas song targeting the president. "He is making a list, checking it twice, and then handing that list to the people at ICE," he sang. "The President ... destroys all he handles."

The subject was the controversial initiative that enables overseas individuals to buy U.S. residence for the price of one million dollars, with a "platinum" version for five million. An official website pledges approval "with unprecedented speed."

"One note for you to wealthy immigrants: prior to you pony up, have you considered Canada?" Colbert remarked.

He explained that the card is also meant to "extract cash" from businesses wishing to hire skilled workers, with hefty payments. "That's a lot of fees, but if you register, you additionally get two free nights at a hotel of your selection – provided that it's the a specific Marriott," he continued.

"Unprecedented vetting the government has ever done," stated Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to make sure these people truly qualify to be in America."

"That's important, you have to prove you're fit to be an American," Colbert said dryly. "First question: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Humorous Roast

On his own show, Jimmy Kimmel dubbed the visa program the "U.S. Access Express Card."

"This is a card that will permit affluent foreigners to live here," he explained. "For a million dollars, you get legal resident status, you get a pathway to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one serious crime of your selection."

"Maybe it's time to change that inscription on the Statue of Liberty – never mind your tired masses. Pay a million bucks, you're in!" he added.

Kimmel teased the lack of detail of the application, saying it is "harder to start a Wordle account." He said that Trump "sees citizenship is something you can sell, like a steak."

"Indeed, the finest people are the rich people," Kimmel said. "That's what Jesus always said! It's in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you pay the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers discussing Economic Concerns

Elsewhere, Seth Meyers addressed Trump's declining approval ratings amid financial anxiety. "People gave Donald Trump a another term since they were mad about the economy," he said.

This week, in a attempt to address prices, Trump conducted a press conference in front of a display of food items, where he behaved strangely to some cereal.

"What a nice job, I think I'm going to take some of them with me to my place and have a lot of fun," Trump said. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't had Cheerios in a while."

"Trump is so fucking weird," Meyers said. "What do you mean, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What are you gonna do with those Cheerios?"

Meyers wrapped up by criticizing conservative media coverage of Trump's economic performance. "Maybe rather than voicing concerns, you should give him a sparkling trophy like what FIFA did," he joked.